Starting to understand and recognize myself through writing again.

This is a blog to understand my self and gather my thoughts.  I will be reviewing novels, books, TV shows, and podcasts related to feminist African literature, Pop culture, and Podcasts.

The issue of cheating

The issue of cheating.

     Time and time again the question as to how “serious” an offense is cheating has been asked. In the Nigerian society where a lot of women are not financially capable of adequately providing for themselves and their children without the support of the major breadwinner AKA their husbands, there is little choice in the matter. You hear things like “he is just being a man” and “as long as he provides for me and the kids” or “After all, I am the one he comes back home to every day”.

        So let’s ask the question, how serious of an offense is cheating? Is it just “I don’t feel anything for her it was just fun” or “you know it’s you I love, you are my number one” etc. since this is a blog about my opinions I would tell you what it means to me for someone to cheat.

        Firstly, it means that they have consciously put you at risk of contracting an STD. Don’t give me that story about condoms like they are 100% safe. I know a lot of people believe this. In fact, someone once said to me that she does not know of any responsible men who do not wear condoms to cheat. Responsible and cheat in the same sentence? What is this world becoming? Oh and please let us know when they have condoms for the mouth because a lot of STDs can be contracted with the mouth.

        Secondly, I simply don’t mean that much to you. I wise man once said, “do not gamble with what you cannot afford to lose”. You take a gamble with our relationship and thinking its OK means you can afford to lose us and I really should not be with you.

       Lastly, what does that say about you as a person? People a wired in a way that their attitude to one thing is most likely the way they look at all other things in life. If you can cheat in one area of your life why not others? Just saying that cheating can give you an insight into the kind of person you are.

This is not recent but i thought i was beautiful.

This is not recent but i thought i was beautiful.

Rape culture in Nigeria.

When asked in a recent survey most Nigerians reported that indecent dressing was the main cause of rape.This for me says that most Nigerians do not understand the concept of fundamental human rights and that people (including women) should have the freedom to dress as they please.
       To me rape in Nigeria belies a culture of oppression against women.As a nation we choose to see rape as something that happens to individuals instead of a crime that is mainly targeted at a particular group of people.Yes rape is a hate crime against women.Perpetrated by men who feel the desire to prove that they are stronger,that they can dominate and that she either conforms or suffers the consequences.We as a country have chosen to ignore the after effects of rape which are more painful and deadly.We have focused instead on the main incident thereby trivializing it and seeing it as something that happens today and would easily be forgotten in a few days time.We as a nation have not realized that rape goes beyond the physical and that even more than stealing body it steals the soul and hope.We  have looked to the wrong people for blame and instead of seeking out the perpetrator we have blamed the victim.
    If i was asked what the main cause of rape in Nigeria was,I would say the law enforcement officials who have refused to do their jobs of protecting the women of our great country.The legislators who refused to amend laws and create stricter ones regarding rape,And lastly the people who have chosen to turn a deaf ear and look the other way simply because it is easier to do so.May God help us all.

 

Are Nigerian women really free?

Time and time again the question as to whether feminism is still needed arises.Most people think that it has done its work and anything from this point is too radical and therefore unnecessary.Well for a country like America,maybe.Nigeria however is a different ball game.We seem to think that as long as women can vote and work then there is no need for equality.That the things we see everyday from the neighbor next door getting beat up by her husband to the women getting slapped by her "in-laws" are normal,part of our culture in fact.that the women has no use except to bear children.Well to answer my question,NO women in Nigeria are not liberated they are not truly free.If they were,issues like child marriage would not need to be legislated upon in the senate.They work and they earn money but underneath is this underlying factor that you can only be the neck and that's as far as you can go.Their ambitions are cut short by child bearing and home management and they are told to be happy that they have a home and a husband to take care off.Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being a home maker,But freedom is not about what you do its about choice,That you consciously make the decision to be who ever you want to be without fear of being ridiculed by society or being looked down upon.And that my friend is what women in Nigerian don't have.They tell you this is what you are supposed to be and if you do not conform you are spoilt or wayward.Should you be "lucky" enough to get married they have already defined the roles you would play and when you try to follow a different path with your partner your "in-laws" will step in and say you want to make their son a "women wrapper".This and MANY more factors contribute to why i think that women in Nigeria are not free.